By Gavin Allen
The National Assembly had never heard anything like it.
The visiting MP explained the reason why £24m of lottery money destined for Welsh charities and sports had been diverted to pay for the 2012 London Olympics.
'This was actually my idea,' said the former Tory who crossed the floor of the House of Commons to become a New Labour kingpin.
'I am in charge of the budget for the 2012 Olympics and I don't want decent English money wasted on these little Welsh things.'
The visiting MP was of course that well-known resident of No.9 Downing Street, the self-proclaimed discoverer of Tony Blair, Alan B'stard.
It was meant to be a press conference to promote Rik Mayall's upcoming performance of The New Statesman: Episode 2007 at the New Theatre from April 30 to May 5.
But the comedian's political alter ego hi-jacked the conference for his own ends to justify a series of disputed New Labour policies.
B'stard pointed out the logic behind the impending congestion charge designed to limit traffic problems in Cardiff city centre.
'It is important for Cardiff that I say yes to London style congestion charges in the city centre.
'We must do whatever we can to keep poor people out of Cardiff.'
But B'stard faced some harsh questions over a recent Wales-specific policy proposal he is currently forcing through the Welsh Assembly Government.
'I strongly approve of the Welsh Council's new idea for adults to take 16-year-old girls into nightclubs, get them drunk and introduce them to the pleasures of lovemaking with older men in toilets. I think it's a splendid idea. Hooray for the Welsh Assembly, or Council, or whatever it's called these days. Does anyone actually care?'
And on the subject of Wales enjoying wider self-governmental powers, he had this to say.
'Self-government? Yes, I would be very happy for you to think that's what's happening.
'If the Welsh public would like that to happen I am happy to pretend I am strongly in favour of it. Whatever it is.'